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I have my New Year’s resolution ready, and it is to visit my homeland, Syria, for the first time since I had to flee it eight years ago.
我已經定下新年決心：在被迫逃離八年後，首次重返祖國敘利亞。
As a journalist who spent years reporting on the cost of the Assad regime’s staggering scorn for human life and dignity, I could not dream of going back to Syria as long as it remained in power.
作爲一名記者，多年來我一直報導阿薩德政權對人類生命與尊嚴的極度蔑視所造成的慘痛代價。在該政權繼續掌權時，我從未想過自己能再次踏上敘利亞的土地。
But in a shocking turn of events, it was Bashar al-Assad himself who had to pack up and flee under the cover of darkness last weekend, leaving the fate of the country and its people, including those who spent years fighting to keep him in power, in the hands of advancing rebels.
然而，令人震驚的是，上週末，正是巴沙爾•阿薩德(Bashar al-Assad)本人在夜色掩護下匆匆出逃，將國家和人民的命運——包括那些多年來爲他維穩的人——交給了步步挺進的叛軍。
His defeat brought about an end to one of the worst dictatorships in history, a fact searingly proven by the harrowing clips coming out of prisons that have fallen to the rebel groups. For the millions of Syrian exiles and refugees around the world, and those internally displaced, it means that we can finally go back home.
他的潰敗終結了歷史上最殘暴的獨裁政權之一。這一點，從叛軍攻佔的監獄中流出的觸目驚心影像便可見一斑。對於全球數百萬敘利亞流亡者、難民和國內流離失所者而言，這意味著我們終於可以回家了。
The 11-day rebel offensive that ended more than 50 years of Assad rule coincided with the beginning of a trip I made to Rome, where I reunited with a childhood companion of Syrian-Kurdish background. Together, instead of admiring marble sculptures and savouring cheesy pasta, we spent sleepless hours phoning family and friends and watching the mighty Assad regime collapse on live television.
這場歷時11天的叛軍攻勢結束了阿薩德家族長達半個多世紀的統治，恰好與我啓程前往羅馬的行程同時發生。在羅馬，我與一位有敘利亞-庫德背景的童年摯友重逢。我們沒有觀賞大理石雕塑，也沒有品嚐乳酪意麪，而是整夜撥打電話與家人和朋友聯繫，一起在電視直播中目睹昔日強大的阿薩德政權土崩瓦解。
About 20 friends and family members joined us via phone after midnight on Saturday as we all laughed and wept and started planning reunions in Aleppo and Damascus. My mother teared up as she greeted my friends appearing on other screens, whom she had watched grow up alongside me until this war scattered us around the world, and congratulated us on the dawn of freedom. A Christian friend appearing on one phone screen asked to talk to an Alawite friend appearing on another. They both joked about the decades the Assad regime spent fuelling sectarian tensions to solidify his rule.
約有20位親友在週六深夜透過電話加入我們的「聚會」。我們笑中帶淚，開始籌劃在阿勒頗和大馬士革的重逢。我母親看到曾與我一同成長、卻因戰亂四散各地的故人出現在螢幕中，不禁熱淚盈眶，並向我們祝賀自由的曙光。一位手機畫面中的基督徒友人想與另一螢幕上的阿拉維派友人交談，兩人打趣說，阿薩德政權數十年來一直透過挑動宗派矛盾來鞏固統治，這一切終於終結了。
My mother teared up as she greeted my friends and congratulated us on the dawn of freedom
母親向我的朋友致意併爲自由的曙光落淚
The TV screen in front of us was split in half, one part showing the breathtaking clips of detainees leaving the notorious Saydnaya prison; the other showing scenes from in front of the Syrian broadcast corporation, which rebels had seized to announce the fall of the Assad regime.
我們面前的電視畫面被分成兩半：一邊是被拘押者走出臭名昭著的賽德納亞監獄的震撼場景；另一邊則是敘利亞廣播公司門前的鏡頭，叛軍在此宣告阿薩德政權的垮臺。
I made it to France as an asylum seeker in early 2020, three years after I had to flee from Syria, where my work in journalism — including as an unauthorised correspondent for a global news agency — had put me at grave risk of arrest and persecution. I have since striven to rebuild my shattered life on a more solid foundation, in a place far enough from home so as to allow me to find a measure of contentment and relief.
2020年初，我以尋求庇護者身份抵達法國，那時距離我不得不逃離敘利亞已逾三年。在敘利亞從事新聞工作期間，我以未獲授權的身份爲一家國際新聞機構報導，這令我隨時面臨被捕和迫害的風險。此後，我努力在遠離故土的地方重建破碎的生活，尋找些許滿足與釋然。
I spent the last four years licking my wounds and going to extremes in shielding myself from my past, which included gradually leaving social media, no longer consuming any news except that which affects my loved ones and me directly, and abandoning all hope that I would ever see Syria again. I announced an indefinite break from Syria-related work, particularly in my field of journalism, and slowly began to fade away from the lives of family members, school and university friends, until some began to view me as one who, having achieved a luxurious European life, forgot who I am and where I come from.
過去四年，我一直小心翼翼地與過去切割。我漸漸退出社群媒體，不再關注除卻直接影響我與摯愛之人的新聞，也放棄了重返敘利亞的所有希望。我宣佈無限期擱置敘利亞相關事務，尤其是新聞報導，並慢慢從家人、同學和故友的生活中淡出。久而久之，有人甚至認爲我已沉溺於歐洲的優渥生活，忘卻了自己的來處與身份。
The sorrow I never allowed myself to feel, the instinct to turn and look back that I never allowed to prevail, seemed to be ebbing away. But it all shattered on December 8, when my sobs echoed in millions of homes of those who had become forlorn refugees around the world, wasting precious years striving for legal statuses, facing racism and discrimination and fearing the threat of the far-right. Those who had been internally displaced within Syria were already moving back to their homes, and the vast majority of those who were still living under the tyrant’s direct rule were finally giving voice to their thoughts.
我所壓抑的悲傷與從未放任的回望似乎本已在漸漸淡去，但這一切卻在12月8日徹底崩解。當時，我的哭聲與全球數百萬淪爲難民的家庭的悲嘆聲相呼應。他們耗費寶貴的時光爭取合法身份，忍受種族主義和歧視的折磨，並懼怕極右翼勢力的威脅。而在敘利亞國內，流離失所者已陸續返鄉，絕大多數長期處於暴君直接統治下的人們也終於敢於坦露心聲。
In Aleppo, where my family lives, they constantly spoke of the slow death they were experiencing. They were among the lucky ones never to have been injured or displaced, but the burden of carrying the Assad dynasty on their shoulders was crushing any hope they had of a dignified life.
在阿勒頗，我的家人始終談及他們所經歷的「緩慢死亡」。他們算得上幸運，從未受傷或被迫離開家園，但揹負阿薩德王朝的重擔早已擠壓光任何有尊嚴生活的空間。
Every Syrian to whom I have spoken is conscious of the perils that lie ahead. But everyone also seems to agree that only now, with Assad gone, can Syrians aspire to take on foes and challenges together and finally have their say.
每位與我交談的敘利亞人都深知前路荊棘密佈，但他們也普遍認同：唯有阿薩德下臺之後，敘利亞人才能團結一心，共同面對敵人與挑戰，並真正擁有自己的話語權。
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